If you are gay, be gay.
Every time you try to hide your sexual orientation you give haters power.
A prospective coaching client told me he was reluctant to join GLBT groups on LinkedIn because he didn’t want people to know he is gay. I nearly reached through the phone to hit him upside the head with a 2 x 4.
Excellent networking for job search requires smart utilization of LinkedIn groups. While I am in favor of removing all group logos from profiles, it is because they litter the profile, not because they disclose interests or sexual orientation. He was depriving himself of excellent real-world support in his job search. Mostly, he was hurting himself by assuming something about him needed to be hidden.
I reminded him that if someone would not consider him for a job because he is gay he didn’t want to work for them in the first place. So he lost nothing and gained a lot by selecting to participate in the gay groups on LinkedIn. He saw my point and I hope he was embarrassed.
While it is critical to lead with your accomplishments and skills, it is just as critical to be yourself. Don’t hide. Not today. Not ever again. It’s not going to get better until the LGBT community stops apologizing for itself, stops casting themselves in the light by which they are seen by haters.
And while I am not gay, I certainly know how important it is to refuse to accept how others see me. Early in my career, as a woman technology professional, I fought to maintain my confidence and self esteem in the presence of sexism. As a Jewish woman, I have fought against the implied and often overt anti-Semitism that creeps into every day life. I believe I was angry with the prospect because his apologetic demeanor gives haters power. I insisted he be out and proud. And to act as though his sexual orientation has nothing to do with his ability to do his job because if he acts that way, it forces others to treat him that way. Do click on the link. It makes my point much better than I can. Please, feel free to comment on this post, but not until you see the link.
career advice, Executive topics, networking, Warnings
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career advice, executive careers, executive jobs, Gay, GLBT, LGBT, Rita Ashley
Themocracy
Thanks so much for the post, the perspective, and the passion. We can indeed be ourselves and say we are gay in every situation. But, as Tim has suggested, we must be adept at determining when that is rational and relevant. For me, it is rational and relevant almost all of the time. For a 15 year old dependent on her intolerant family or the 23 year old transfering jobs in the workplace, it may not. However, like Rita, I would argue that the vast majority of the time we err on the side of not disclosing. Through my studies of LGBT health behaviors, I observe that many LGBT folks are out to family, sex partners, and some friends. But many fewer are out to their neighbors, faith communities, co-workers, or employers. While it is not the responsibility of LGBT to end heterosexual’s homophobia, it is in their interest to do so.
Thank you so much for this post. I am starting a job search as well and wondered the same thing about the LGBT groups on LinkedIn. This has given me a new (and correct) perspective.
I understand your position and I agree that if we could all be who we are then we will be much better off. And more of us that can do this makes it better for all. My concern is that not everyone has the emotional or social development to handle being out. What we need more than to insist that we let it all out there, is to educate and build a person’s skills at understanding what it means to be out and how to handle the backlash that can come with that. If people hang the “gay flag” because someone told them to without being ready for what comes next can be more detrimental than holding back in certain situations. We cannot say we are Gay in every situation because there are still people out there that hold a prejudice because of their fear. Anyone who is going to hang a flag needs to be ready to deal with it. For all those who are ready, by all means, put it forward for all the world to see. I’m gay and getting married. Our upcoming celebration of 100 people tells a good story of acceptance, and will even more give our guests something good to share about what being gay is all about.